Ok so Steve Harvey is #3 on the Barnes and Noble worldwide bestselling book list with his new book entitled, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man! I know that some of you will deny your interest in this book and then run out and buy it - especially those women desperately seeking to understand the all so complicated male psyche! Well I did not read the book - and probably will not - but since I am doing this series on love, I felt it was all too important for me to share this book with you and also engage you with a quote from Psychologist oh wait no Marriage Counselor oh wait no that's not right either?!?!? Oh yea, Comedian turned Relationship Specialist Steve Harvey!
And I quote: “There is no truer statement: men are simple. Get this into your head first, and everything you learn about us in this book will begin to fall into place. Once you get that down, you’ll have to understand a few essential truths: men are driven by who they are, what they do, and how much they make.”
“Your man knows what you want: the ultimate commitment- The Ring. He knows, too, what he needs: you. But your proposal never comes and the way your man is acting, it’s not coming anytime soon. And so, you wait. And Wait. And wait some more. Men are happy being single or unmarried because it makes us feel young and carefree. Marriage does not. Responsibility and marriage do not fit into that feeling, until all of the playing gets tired and we realize we have to be grown-ups, or something-or someone-makes us grow up.”
“To sum up, we’ve got to have these three things- support, loyalty, and sex- from you or we’re going to go.” I am starting to think that maybe the real problem with relationships is this obsession with, as Steve so eloquently put it, "the ultimate commitment - the ring." We all have seen them, those horribly unhappy married people. With too many kids and way too little love. Babies falling out of grocery carts, sitting unhappily in church, fighting over kids at parent-teacher conferences, shopping for the next station wagon at the dealership. Or maybe just the men and women that we know outside of their marriages. The married mechanic who always tries to get your number - every time you go and get an oil change! Or the married women that you work with, constantly complaining about how sexually deprived and miserable she is.
However, despite ALL of this, most women desire to get married as soon as possible! They are so ready for this commitment that they allow it to completely take over their lives! They are obsessed with it! They prowl after men like hungry psychos! What exactly are they running towards?
I am no relationship expert but if I am going to spend the rest of my life with someone it only makes sense that before I agree to such a long-haul commitment, I need to be absolutely sure that we are actually soul mates! Life partners! Friends! Have the same dreams and desires! Spending habits! Interest! If I can't stand talking to you while we are dating, why in the world would I marry you? If you tell me that you are going to do something and never come through - that should let me know how you will be in our marriage?
If I see you and you don't say "wow you look beautiful" while we are dating, I will never get that from you in a marriage. IF I DON'T FEEL SEXUALLY DRAWN TO MORE THAN YOUR PHYSICAL APPEARANCE WE WILL MORE THAN LIKELY STOP HAVING SEX AFTER YOUR BODY AGES AND YOU KNOW LONGER LOOK THE SAME.
But I can't figure all of this out over night. It takes time, searching, praying! Ladies, stop searching for a man. He needs to find you. And after he finds you, take off the masks and all the lies. Be yourselves and don't even think about marriage. Think about getting to know this person. And never ever believe the hype that there are no good Black men left? Be selective. A man should pursue you and if he is a man - should approach you in a respectful way and DESIRE to be in a committed relationship with you!
Talk to you soon -
Jamila
3 comments:
Jamila, I think that you should write the movies you expect to see. You could be the Black Girl that Roars by changing the minds in this world about Love. I agree with you because it lines up with the word of God, The Man should find a wife. Personallly, I never went looking for a man, when I partied I partied for me not to find someone though it seem to come anyway. However, it was never the right one anyway. I strongly believe that you would do well to do a movie or book, depicting the perfect love because it is out there. Someone somewhere is experiencing it. If the minds of people would begin to read about them or see movies along that manner than our vision of Love will change. Do it Jamila, blog it, write it and figure out how to spotlight it It will take off!!!!! YES YOU CAN! lol!
Awww thanks for the comment Chandra! I should do it! You are so right~! Well spoken sister (no really she is my sister lol!)
So of course my comment is like more than a year late considering when the blog was written.
But I am glad that you wrote something like this, no matter who follows. I had been talking to a friend recently about marriage and how as much as I want it, I have very few viable examples that would say run towards it and more that say run away. Every woman wants to be pursued. That is nature's way...I am convinced. And as my friend said, the one that will love ME will come after me...ole skool. And in light of the whole successful women can't find a man. I am sooo tired of that arrangement of semantics. There is soo much life to live beyond spending it finding a man; I almost feel that we spend so much time finding a man that we miss the one that may be looking for us. Ultimately most of us want a lifetime mate and partner, but we are going to be with ourselves for ever. So how about we work on becoming bff's with the (wo)man in the mirror.
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